It is written from the personal perspective of a parent who has shared this experience and all that goes with it. When parents learn about any difficulty or problem in their child.
The day my child was diagnosed as having a disability, I was devastated. Another parent described this event as a . Another parent described the trauma as . Perhaps these descriptions seem a bit dramatic, yet it has been my experience that they may not sufficiently describe the many emotions that flood parents. That is what this paper is all about. In order to talk about some of the good things that can happen to alleviate the anxiety, let us first take a look at some of the reactions that occur. Back to top. Common Reactions. On learning that their child may have a disability, most parents react in ways that have been shared by all parents before them who have also been faced with this disappointment and this enormous challenge. One of the first reactions is denial. Anger can also color communication between husband and wife or with grandparents or significant others in the family. Early on, it seems that the anger is so intense that it touches almost anyone, because it is triggered by the feelings of griefand inexplicable lossthat one does not know how to explain or deal with. Fearis another immediate response. Unschooling expands from children's natural curiosity as an. Children learn in much the same way. While some children might receive enriched childhood experiences from parents who are responsive. If you're worried about the role of technology in our lives in the future, you might be concerned about video games. He believes that in the future. Search for 'The Child of the Future: How Might He Learn' on Amazon.com. Connect with IMDb Getting Started . Find showtimes, watch trailers. People often fear the unknown more than they fear the known. Having the complete diagnosis and some knowledge of the child. In either case, however, fear of the future is a common emotion: ? What is going to happen to this child when I am gone?? Will he ever go to college? Will he or she have the capability of loving and living and laughing and doing all the things that we had planned? Parents fear that the child. Over the years, I have spoken with so many parents who said that their first thoughts were totally bleak. One expects the worst. Memories return of persons with disabilities one has known. Sometimes there is guilt over some slight committed years before toward a person with a disability. There is also fear of society. Study the chart below to learn how 'might' behaves in different. Jack might not have the key. Maybe he does not have the. These fears can almost immobilize some parents. Then there is guilt? Am I being punished for something I have done? Did I take care of myself when I was pregnant? Did my wife take good enough care of herself when she was pregnant? Much self- reproach and remorse can stem from questioning the causes of the disability. Guilt feelings may also be manifested in spiritual and religious interpretations of blame and punishment. As a result of not fully understanding what is happening and what will happen, confusion reveals itself in sleeplessness, inability to make decisions, and mental overload. In the midst of such trauma, information can seem garbled and distorted. You hear new words that you never heard before, terms that describe something that you cannot understand. You want to find out what it is all about, yet it seems that you cannot make sense of all the information you are receiving. Often parents are just not on the same wavelength as the person who is trying to communicate with them about their child. Http:// # The Child of the future, how might he learn?You cannot change the fact that your child has a disability, yet parents want to feel competent and capable of handling their own life situations. It is extremely hard to be forced to rely on the judgments, opinions, and recommendations of others. Compounding the problem is that these others are often strangers with whom no bond of trust has yet been established. Disappointmentthat a child is not perfect poses a threat to many parents. This jolt to previous expectations can create reluctance to accept one. Rejection can be directed toward the child or toward the medical personnel or toward other family members. One of the more serious forms of rejection, and not that uncommon, is a . Not all parents go through these stages, but it is important for parents to identify with all of the potentially troublesome feelings that can arise, so that they will know that they are not alone. There are many constructive actions that you can take immediately, and there are many sources of help, communication, and reassurance. Back to top. Seek the Assistance of Another Parent. There was a parent who helped me. Twenty- two hours after my own child. This parent spoke of hope for the future. He assured me that there would be programs, there would be progress, and there would be help of many kinds and from many sources. And he was the father of a boy with intellectual disabilities. My first recommendation is to try to find another parent of a child with a disability, preferably one who has chosen to be a parent helper, and seek his or her assistance. All over the United States and over the world, there are Parent to Parent Programs. PTIs and CPRCs can put you in touch with parents and parent groups locally, and connect with resources in your State. Back to top. Talk with Your Mate, Family, and Significant Others. Over the years, I have discovered that many parents don. One spouse is often concerned about not being a source of strength for the other mate. The more couples can communicate at difficult times like these, the greater their collective strength. Understand that you each approach your roles as parents differently. How you will feel and respond to this new challenge may not the same. Try to explain to each other how you feel; try to understand when you don. Be aware of their needs. If you are not emotionally capable of talking with your children or seeing to their emotional needs at this time, identify others within your family structure who can establish a special communicative bond with them. Talk with significant others in your life. For many people, the temptation to close up emotionally is great at this point, but it can be so beneficial to have reliable friends and relatives who can help to carry the emotional burden. Back to top. Rely on Positive Sources in Your Life. One positive source of strength and wisdom might be your minister, priest, or rabbi. Another may be a good friend or a counselor. Go to those who have been a strength before in your life. Find the new sources that you need now. A very fine counselor once gave me a recipe for living through a crisis: . Call or write or get into your car and contact a real person who will talk with you and share that pain. Pain divided is not nearly so hard to bear as is pain in isolation. Sometimes professional counseling is warranted; if you feel that this might help you, do not be reluctant to seek this avenue of assistance. Back to top. Take One Day at a Time. Fears of the future can immobilize one. Living with the reality of the day which is at hand is made more manageable if we throw out the . Even though it may not seem possible, good things will continue to happen each day. Worrying about the future will only deplete your limited resources. You have enough to focus on; get through each day, one step at a time. Learn the Terminology. When you are introduced to new terminology, you should not be hesitant to ask what it means. Whenever someone uses a word that you don. The important thing is that you request accurate information. A good method is to write down your questions before entering appointments or meetings, and to write down further questions as you think of them during the meeting. Get written copies of all documentation from physicians, teachers, and therapists regarding your child. It is a good idea to buy a three- ring notebook in which to save all information that is given to you. In the future, there will be many uses for information that you have recorded and filed; keep it in a safe place. Again, remember always to ask for copies of evaluations, diagnostic reports, and progress reports. If you are not a naturally organized person, just get a box and throw all the paperwork in it. Then when you really need it, it will be there. Back to top. Do Not Be Intimidated. Many parents feel inadequate in the presence of people from the medical or educational professions because of their credentials and, sometimes, because of their professional manner. Do not be intimidated by the educational backgrounds of these and other personnel who may be involved in treating or helping your child. You do not have to apologize for wanting to know what is occurring. Do not be concerned that you are being a bother or are asking too many questions. Remember, this is your child, and the situation has a profound effect on your life and on your child. Therefore, it is important that you learn as much as you can about your situation. Do Not Be Afraid to Show Emotion. So many parents, especially dads, repress their emotions because they believe it to be a sign of weakness to let people know how they are feeling. The strongest fathers of children with disabilities whom I know are not afraid to show their emotions. They understand that revealing feelings does not diminish one. It is very valuable to recognize your anger and to learn to let go of it. You may need outside help to do this. It may not feel like it, but life will get better and the day will come when you will feel positive again. By acknowledging and working through your negative feelings, you will be better equipped to meet new challenges, and bitterness and anger will no longer drain your energies and initiative. Back to top. Maintain a Positive Outlook. A positive attitude will be one of your genuinely valuable tools for dealing with problems. There is, truly, always a positive side to whatever is occurring. For example, when my child was found to have a disability, one of the other things pointed out to me was that she was a very healthy child. The fact that she has had no physical impairments has been a great blessing over the years; she has been the healthiest child I have ever raised. Focusing on the positives diminishes the negatives and makes life easier to deal with. Keep in Touch with Reality. To stay in touch with reality is to accept life the way it is. To stay in touch with reality is also to recognize that there are some things that we can change and other things that we cannot change. The Child of the Future: How Might He Learn (1.
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